Phil's Newsletter #13: Unsolicited advice
How to eat like a pig and still lose weight. šš And unsolicited advice on love, work, and life.
I. How to get away with cheat days
Despite the fact that I often go completely overboard with food at any family gathering, holiday, or dinner party. I still manage to maintain healthy body weight and body fat levels year-round.
A lot of people, probably most by my experience, seem to think that weight gain or weight loss is something magical. I often speak to people who are amazed by how I can just ādecideā to look a certain way. They expect that there must be some sort of secret to it. There isnāt. What it comes down is an understanding of The First Principle of weight loss - calorie control.
By understanding it and applying the principle to my life Iām able to get away with binge eating, cheat days, and large meals on a relatively frequent basis and still maintain my weight rather easily. But isnāt that psychologically unhealthy? Maybe, but thatās a topic for another article.
Given the size of my meals and the amount of food I can consume, most people that see me eat canāt believe how Iām not obese. But it all comes down to managing my calorie intake. Not necessarily meal to meal, although I do that too, but over the course of days and weeks.
Suppose my daily maintenance calories are 2500 then it follows I need to eat about 17500 kcal per week in order to maintain my weight. But instead of eating exactly 2500 kcal per day, I can partition my calories differently throughout the week, like so:
Monday - 2000 kcal
Tuesday - 2000 kcal
Wednesday - 2000 kcal
Thursday - 2000 kcal
Friday - 2000 kcal
Saturday - 5500 kcal
Sunday - 2000 kcal
The total is still 17500 kcal. But eating 5500 kcal in one day means I can eat āpretty much whatever the fuck I wantā. Like 5 pints of Ben & Jerryās. (Not that I would suggest it.)
Yes, this is a simplified, reductionist approach. There are certainly more things happening in the body than what calorie counting accounts for. The composition of your food will have an impact on your health above and beyond the pure calorie content. But calories are king when it comes to weight management.
When you look at energy needs and expenditure over the course of weeks and months. The dominant factor is calories. Not carbs, fats, proteins, vitamins, insulin, exercise, herbal teas, or unicorn farts.
āThereās too much misinformation and mysticism around weight loss. We have to start with the basic idea of managing our energy requirements, and then we can try to find out what the optimal way for us to do that is. Thatās when we start talking about which diet to try. Thereās a reason we call it āfirst principlesā.
Read more in the article The First Principle of weight loss.
2. Relationship narratives
In a recent episode of the Knowledge Project podcast Shane Parrish interviewed Suzanne Iasenza, an NYC couples sex therapist, about the narratives we construct about our relationships and our partners, the evolving role of sex in relationships, and how to end them. Here are some of the things I learned:
Differences between couples are not always a problem. Differences of opinions, likes, or wants don't tell you how compatible people are or aren't. The thing that really matters in the end is that people want to be with each other.
We can learn a lot about sex from older couples. 80-year olds that are sexually active have to figure out all kinds of ways to enjoy sex. They may not be able to have sex "the regular way". They may not be very physically attracted to each other anymore. So they rely on their minds much more than on their bodiesā abilities, like they could when they were younger.
Desire to have sex doesn't have to precede arousal and the act of sex. Arousal can lead to desire. This is similar to how you can "trick" yourself to feel happy or excited by smiling exaggeratedly or putting your hands up high into the air, "opening up" your body. The physical state of the body changes the mental state. We are as much a product of our (internal or external) environment as the environment is a product of what we do.
The narrative we tell ourselves and each other about how things are. There are a lot of hidden assumptions we never question and accept as facts. These narratives, whether subjective or interpersonal between the couple, can lock people into ways of thinking that are harmful to the relationship. A couple can say that "we never have sex anymoreā. Well, what qualifies as having sex? What if you changed the story you tell yourselves about what it means to have sex? What if you redefined what it means to have desire?
The key to a long-lasting relationship is to develop a tolerance for disappointment. It's to realize that mistakes will happen, feelings will get hurt, your partner will get disappointed with you, you will feel betrayed. These things are bound to happen at some point in any relationship. It is a matter of how we deal with these things, not that we expect them to never happen.
You can't take relationships for granted. They need to be nurtured. You need to make an effort. Don't assume your partner always knows you care about them. It's better to say it one time too many.
Itās pretty easy to agree to and grasp ideas like this from and intellectual perspective, quite a bit harder to practice them when youāre in the middle of a messy relationship. Iām by no means an expert but I can relate to a lot of this advice precisely because Iāve failed to apply it so many times. Perhaps you can too.
3. 68 Bits of Unsolicited Advice
Kevin Kelly is the co-founder of Wired magazine and what you could call a techno-philosopher. Someone that has worked with and thought deeply about technology and its implications for half a century. He recently turned 68 and wrote the blog post "68 Bits of Unsolicited Advice" - it's an amazing collection of insights, random tips and life advice from a deep thinker. There's something in there for everyone. Here are some of my favorites:
Learn how to learn from those you disagree with, or even offend you. See if you can find the truth in what they believe.
Being able to listen well is a superpower. While listening to someone you love keep asking them āIs there more?ā, until there is no more.
Treating a person to a meal never fails, and is so easy to do. Itās powerful with old friends and a great way to make new friends.
The purpose of a habit is to remove that action from self-negotiation. You no longer expend energy deciding whether to do it. You just do it. Good habits can range from telling the truth, to flossing.
Optimize your generosity. No one on their deathbed has ever regretted giving too much away.
If you are looking for something in your house, and you finally find it, when youāre done with it, donāt put it back where you found it. Put it back where you first looked for it.
You are what you do. Not what you say, not what you believe, not how you vote, but what you spend your time on.
When you die you take absolutely nothing with you except your reputation.
How to apologize: Quickly, specifically, sincerely.
A vacation + a disaster = an adventure.
Following your bliss is a recipe for paralysis if you donāt know what you are passionate about. A better motto for most youth is āmaster something, anythingā. Through mastery of one thing, you can drift towards extensions of that mastery that bring you more joy, and eventually discover where your bliss is.
Over the long term, the future is decided by optimists. To be an optimist you donāt have to ignore all the many problems we create; you just have to imagine improving our capacity to solve problems.
Other great pieces of writing by Kevin Kelly are 1000 True Fans and AR Will Spark the Next Big Tech PlatformāCall It Mirrorworld.
4. The futility of personal sacrifice in the face of global warming
The world is on lockdown. So where are all the carbon emissions coming from?
A recent report by the International Energy Agency has shown that, contrary to what most people suspected, there has only been a measly drop of about 8% in carbon emissions - far less than what most people expected.
Many people have observed the absence of smog in big cities such as LA and Beijing as a result of the reduction in economic activity and transportation. Environmentalists have applauded this as a big win for society and the environment. Some people have used this to make a point about how terrific it is that a lot of people are locked inside since it hampers economic activity, and therefore reduces our collective impact on the environment.
āI think the main issue is that people focus way, way too much on peopleās personal footprints, and whether they fly or not, without really dealing with the structural things that really cause carbon dioxide levels to go up,ā said Gavin Schmidt, a climatologist and the director of the NASA Goddard Institute for Space Studies in New York City.ā
But this just shows how futile it is for individuals to bend over backward in order to "save the planet". Your individual contribution doesn't nearly matter as much as you might think. What's more, even if everyone switched to paper straws, or took the bicycle to work, it still wouldn't make much of an impact. Not nearly enough to turn the trend of warming and the ensuing catastrophes that await us.
āItās worth remembering that a dip in carbon emissions wonāt lead to any changes in the Earthās warming trend. Some scientists compare carbon dioxide in the atmosphere to water flowing into a leaky bathtub. The lockdown has turned the tap down, not off. Until we cut emissions to net-zero ā so that emissions flowing into the atmosphere are equivalent to those flowing out ā the Earth will continue warming.ā
What we really need are large scale structural changes that modify incentives and much more investments in technology like solar and nuclear power. But thatās a topic for another day.
5. Quote
On living with uncertainty:
The bad news is you're falling through the air without a parachute. The good news is there's no ground below you.